Labor and the Support Person

Let’s look at labor from the perspective of a support person, because often expectations are not quite reality. While of course you can never be fully prepared, it can be reassuring in the midst of labor to know that what you are experiencing is normal.

4 Things to Expect About Labor as a Support Person

Labor Can Be Boring

You’ve seen the TV shows and movies where a woman is giving birth. People are running around like crazy. Mom is screaming. There is hardly anytime in between contractions. In reality, labor can be long. Sure some women have a precipitous labor, labor lasting less than 5 hours, but typically that is not the case. On average, labor lasts 11.5 to 19 hours. If as the support person you go into the birth knowing this, you can help keep yourself and mom patient. During labor, you may find yourself doing the same thing over and over during those 11.5 to 19 hours. Maybe it’s rubbing mom’s back, pouring water over her, or physically supporting her while you sway. Whatever it is, prepare to be in it for the long haul. Even the second stage of labor, pushing, can last 20 minutes to 2 hours on average with 3-5 minutes between contractions. It is your job as a support person to keep mom encouraged throughout.

Labor Can Be Exhausting For You Too

Birth demands a woman’s full attention, and a woman in labor deserves the full attention of her support team. You may find yourself in one position for an extended period of time. You may find that your arms are fatigued after providing counter pressure on mom’s lower back. Having a doula at the birth can help lessen the load on the primary support person. The two of you can take turns providing that physical support. Because labor can be long and physically demanding for you as well, it is important to remember to take care of yourself. A mom in labor should absolutely eat or drink if she feels like it, but often she may not feel up for eating. Do take breaks for a snack for yourself; a doula can fill the gap while you are gone.

Labor Can Be Unpredictable

Babies seldom do what we plan for them to. You may have discussed a woman’s ideal birth plan. You knew exactly how things were going to play out. Except when the big day arrives, nothing goes as planned. Childbirth is your first lesson in parenting that you have to always be ready for the unexpected. As a support person prepare yourself for this possibility so that if things do not go as planned, you can provide the emotional support mom may need. It also behooves you to be prepared that the comfort techniques you and the mother discussed may be nothing like what she prefers in labor. She may have told you she wanted you to lightly run your fingers on her back, so you do, and she snaps at you to not touch her like that again. That is perfectly normal! A support person needs the ability to roll with whatever is thrown at them. Maybe mom planned for a drug-free birth, but decides to get an epidural. Support her in this and be ready to change gears.

Labor Can Be Overwhelming

Finally, there is a wide range of reactions to birth. You may find that your response is different than you expected. You may laugh, cry, be in shock; all of these are normal. If a woman’s labor begins late in the evening, you have both very likely been up all night. You are probably exhausted physically and emotionally. It can be draining as a support person to watch someone you care about go through something so demanding. After baby arrives, take some time for yourself to process everything that happened. Talk it out with someone if you need to. Your doula can connect you with support resources in the community if you need it.

A Final Reminder

It is an honor to be present at the birth of new life. As a support person you will witness the woman in her most vulnerable state. Respect that and honor her in that. You are so important to the birth! Know that your presence will greatly impact a woman as she labors. And don’t forget to celebrate with her once baby arrives.